God, George Andrews and Welsh misery

It had looked as though if there was a God, he was a Fourth Teamer. On the 23rd October he had sent from the heavens a team of Methuselahs – Vicary, Treble, Wheeler, Massingham – to outfox their opponents with rugby knowledge gleamed from their combined decades of play at Ford Lane.

On this occasion, unable to call upon their talents, The Almighty One instead sent down a tremendous flood in an effort to postpone matters. It didn’t work. The Third Team had been waiting for months for the opportunity to avenge their earlier defeat and the small matter of not actually having a playable pitch wasn’t going to stand in their way. In any event, The Threes had their own ancient biblical figure with them to guide them through the floods – George Andrews is still alive and he had brought his scoring boots.

The assembled ranks of the Third and Fourth teams made their way onto the Parks Pitch. One corner was entirely submerged. There were two almost flowing streams moving across the outfield. One of those streams functioned as a tributary for the enormous central lake complete with floating dog excrement. There was only one set of posts.

The Fourth Team – being sensible – gathered under the (solitary set of) posts and engaged in such activities as a warm-up and a tactical discussion. The Third Team set about diving into the lake and doing belly slides through the dog mess. Once thoroughly drenched, The Threes tried to erect a set of posts. As a hardy group of battle-hardened warriors stood in the driving rain and, together, bore the burden of an upright on their shoulders as they planted it in the ground, Steven Gill observed the similarities between that and the evocative image of the conflict at Iwo Jima. Apparently worried that this might be far too inspiring an analogy, John Shepherd immediately jumped into a massive watery hole and entertained his team by showing that it went virtually up to his waist. Props really are a law unto themselves.

The game eventually got underway and the Fourth Team immediately demonstrated that they had no intention of easily giving up their bragging rights. Led by Marv Stockdale and Simon Egerton – who had a combative and very impressive first half at Second Row – the Fours took advantage of yet another slow start by the Third Team, rucked and mauled their way up to the try line and scored a quality team try to leave their opponents sodden and worried under the posts.
That began an opening twenty minute period in which the Fourth Team out fought, out thought and out played their opponents who appeared to be fast asleep.

Thankfully for the Threes, this period of dominance resulted in no more than eight points being scored and, eventually, the Third Team got into the game. Led by the fantastic rumbling of Shep and the sniping runs of Richie Irvine and Sami Khan, Gill’s men resurrected the spirit of Lymm and demonstrated once again that teams don’t like it when the Threes' pack starts running at them. A platform firmly established, both centres scored tries before the forwards took advantage of the greater size of their pack by getting themselves on the score sheet. Although many did not see it because they were face down in a puddle, your correspondent can confirm that George Andrew DID score his first try since 1932 and it was a belter.

It is of tremendous credit to the club not only that this fixture was fulfilled despite the conditions (thanks to Alan Hinton for agreeing to referee and doing what – it pains me to write – was a very fair job) but that until the very final whistle, the Fourth Team refused to lie down. The game ended with the Threes – despite being over 30 points up – having to doggedly defend as the Fourth Team launched yet another attack.

In the changing rooms afterwards, rumours abounded that during the course of a confrontation with an unknown Fourth Teamer, a certain Third Team hooker (pre-match preparation: a bacon barm cake and a cigarette) had actually been seen to literally take a backwards step. Fear swept around the Third Team at talk of such a terrifying event but Gill was quick to reassure all that in fact our man had simply been clearing enough space for one of his really big punches.

Special mention should go to Dan Roberts who had a truly forgettable rugby weekend. On Friday night he had to watch Wales being educated at home by their colonial masters and on Saturday he was not only one of the few forwards not to score a try but he was also dumped to the floor in a quite monstrous tackle by Simon Turnover Simpson. A tackle so impressive that even Dan’s teammates congratulated him on it.

A cracking day in the rain.