By the law of averages...

On reflection, I would say today was a very average day. Yours truly woke up to sunshine streaming through the windows, but alas later it was raining. The weather was generally mild, interspersed with chilly gusts blowing off the Irish Sea. Today was my first ever visit to Tarleton near Leyland, a pretty little village with a pleasant community sports field and clubhouse facilities. Yet in spite of the picturesque setting and local friendliness, I’ve returned home underwhelmed.

And here’s why. Didsbury Barbarians took 23 players for this away venture, strength in numbers? Well, we had numbers and strength but lacked the cohesion necessary to convert individual performances into a team performance, it was very average. The home team opposition did not play tremendously well either, they were average too. But not as average as we were.

Patrick won the toss, easily predicting that the referee would not switch his blade of grass from right hand to left. Electing to kick first, the game got underway with a lovely grubber from Harry that bobbled its way across the 10m… then out of play. First phase of play was over, and nobody had even had hands on the ball. As time progressed it was apparent that neither team really wanted hands on the ball, every third pass saw it squirting out of their clutches like a bar of soap. Not so average as the performance, the ball was slightly magical, it usually went backwards from Tarleton hands and forwards from Didsbury’s.

Then to the first scrummage, but where was Oskar? Didsbury soon realised that their favoured tight-head prop had been tightening his belt since before kick-off. He then tightened his shoelaces before gracing the crowd and his team-mates with his presence on the field. Didsbury scrummage held well throughout the game, Giacomo filling in at hooker and Cameron sharing the loose-head workload with newbie William.
Then followed twenty long minutes of very average football. Any team that thought they might be getting an advantage tried to average things out by dropping a blunder. I’m sure it was not all deliberate, at least the referee was consistently judgmental in favour of the home team.
Eventually Tarleton broke the deadlock. It was such an average build up that I can’t remember how this first try came about, but I do recall that they missed the ensuing conversion. They had the wind slightly in their favour and following on from the first score their proverbial sails were then filled. Playing in the Didsbury 22 for most of the remainder of the half, Tarleton were held up once, scored another converted try and missed a penalty. Didsbury did have a few good moments in the first half but never capitalised on any possession so that at the turnaround they were trailing 12-0.

“They think YOU are soft and right now I’m not sure”. This invitation for introspection was delivered to Barbarians by the hardest man I know, Gary French. He was spot on in this analysis. A combination of these provocative words and a change of faces galvanised the second half performance into something a little more steely. Didsbury contested well in the lineouts which were straight, winning the ball in their own half. It travelled through the hands to Jamie who had yards of space and a yard of pace greater than his opposite number. Still with a lot to do he danced along the touchline covering 50 meters to cross for Didsbury’s first try, 12-5 and we were back in it.

Tarleton soon kicked a penalty to counter this, 15-5. Playing back in the centres, Logan was kicking well for field position. Didsbury had a couple of scrums awarded their way on the Tarleton 22. Picking up from the base, Patrick went blind, handed off a couple of defenders and bullied his way past a third to score in the corner. And without the added conversion, Didsbury pulled it back to 15-10. Could the come-back be on?

The home team re-grouped and took advantage of the marginal differences such as Didsbury’s indiscipline around the offside line, inexperience in the squad and refereeing favouritism. They crossed once more to take the score to 20-10. Average referee? Blind in one eye, this prevented him making balanced decisions... on the other hand he communicated most articulately to the players that they should keep their mouths zipped. He dished out the same to the coaches, even threatening a penalty on field against our team if the coach highlighted his next shortcoming.

But the man in the middle is always right, and to prove his point he made the final call. Didsbury pressured the Tarleton line throughout the final minutes. After successive penalty moves, the ball eventually came to Oskar with five metres of ground to cover. He surged forwards, dipped his shoulders to drive through Tarleton’s desperate defence, his strength and momentum carrying him forwards. With his final thrust the ball was grounded over the line. Jokingly the ref consulted his imaginary TMO, and concocted a pretext of double movement (presumably one movement to break through the defence and one movement to ground the ball?) to disallow the try.

So there you have it, 20-10 to the home team. An average performance grounded in average teamwork. After the match we all enjoyed large meat and potato pies served with a rich gravy and mushy peas. This post-match scran was most definitely above average.